My daughter is now 36  – a happy confident  girl, successful in work and with a great relationship with her husband but how much of this is down to how she was reared.  Unfortunately her father and I were divorced when she was only 10 but I always put her first 100% and she knew I was always there for her.  Teenage years were challenging as she sought to develop her own identity and at the ‘inbetween’ age of 15 she said to me one day:  “Mummy you will have to be patient with me as at the moment I am neither one thing or the other!”

Anyway she seems to have turned out well and even to this day, I still regularly remind her of how proud I am of having her as a daughter,  the person she is, her many acheivements and how she lives her life. She said that knowing I was happy for her to pursue any career of her choice was an important  factor for her when she started work.

Whether I will have grandchildren or not I don’t know yet,  but my daughter told me  that  if she did have  any children she would like to bring them up just as she was reared   …so  I must have been doing something right!

 It was interesting to hear the experiences of  another mum, Sarah Hampson whose  excellent article in the Globe and Mail  shares her experience of bringing up her sons and describes how her consistent  and practical support was successful…

My three boys must have been in their early teens.

“I will always love you,” I told them over dinner one night. “Even if you were in prison, I would love you.” And then I allowed a dramatic pause. “But I wouldn’t be proud of you.”

They looked up at me from their mounds of spaghetti, solemn and bewildered. I figure that was around the time the two older ones (the three were born in less than 5 years) had exploded through the front door during a shoving match that began outside in the snow. The fight (with handfuls of snow) continued in the front hall of our house.

“Oh Sarah,” sighed a friend of mine, who witnessed it. The dispute began when one of the boys embarrassed the other in front of her two girls. She shot me that unmistakable look of girlfriend empathy – the kind that says she understands my situation, really feels bad about it and yet knows she won’t have to deal with it in her life, ever, thank God. When I sent the boys to their rooms to cool off, she left with her girls, probably to go and quietly make doilies or something. I had no idea what girls did to be honest, just that it didn’t involve testosterone.

The prison line was a joke, of course. It was my silly way of underscoring my unconditional love for them at the same time as I was trying to develop their…

To read the rest of this excellent article please click here (opens in new tab)

I absolutely agree with Sarah Hampson – you do your best and that is all you can do.  Confidence and happiness are not always easy to achieve at any age.

I think the main thing is that your children  know you are there for them when they need you, that you love them  and that you take time to really listen to them.  Not an easy thing sometimes in the busy lives we live now, but really important so that your child feels they are worth listening to.  This is what will allow them to become happy children with healthy self confidence.

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Small steps and building on acheivement leads the way to solid self confidence and practical but relaxed parental support can make all the difference here in building confidence in children.

This article on Lemonade Day by Diana Holman in Fox News shows how a refreshing glass of lemonade can acheive much more – and longterm – than just quenching your thirst:

 Lemonade Day was inspired by a little girl in Houston who asked her dad if she could buy a turtle. Instead of having the father buy her the pet, the daughter suggested setting up a lemonade stand to raise the money. Over five years later, Lemonade Day has spread not only to Lubbock but across the country as well.

Noeila Cavazos, a first customer for a Leftwich Park stand, said although Lemonade Day officially came along long after her childhood days, the concept has been around forever.

“When I was little my daddy was a farmer,” Cavazos said. “Dad would say you need to learn to earn money. You need to work for it.  So we sold lemonade from a little table, a little lemonade stand, and it was 25 cents. That helped me to learn how to spend my money wisely. Dad always said if you don’t have the money then don’t buy it.”

Parents like Lisa Vaughn & Jill Trent worked hard with their children to map out a successful business plan and to make this experience one that the kids would…

To read this article in full please click here – (article opens in a new tab)…

The ongoing popularity and the spread of Lemonade Day shows just how successful and fun joint parent-kid initiatives can be in starting to  provide  a solid grounding in practical life skills.   School and college leavers need to have built up a range of skills and experience, onging  from an early age to be well prepared  to maximise on life and career opportunities  and need guidance  to develop an appropriate  attitude to work.

With the right parental support here confident kids are more likely to develop into confident adults ready and happy to succeed in life.  Building self confidence in kids from an early age is all important.

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Well practical help may be at hand to boost childrens body confidence  with a great new body-image course from two teachers as described below  in  this article by Joanna Moorhead in the Guardian:

Nicky Hutchinson and Chris Calland – previously a primary and a secondary school teacher respectively – are education consultants in Bristol. They specialise in children’s behaviour, but devised their primary school body-image course, which has just been piloted at Cheddar Grove in the city, after getting requests from heads and teachers for advice on how to deal with the increasing anxiety pupils were displaying about how they looked.

“Parents were calling schools to say their children were stressing about what to wear on non-uniform days, or for friends’ birthday parties, or for the school disco,” says Hutchinson. “The more we looked into it, the more we discovered what a problem it was. By the age of 10, around a third of all girls, and 22% of boys, say how their bodies look is their number one worry. And 10 is also the average age when children start dieting.”

“So much is affected by how you feel about your body – your ability to enjoy life, form good relationships and make the most of opportunities,” says Calland. “But all the indicators are that the current population of young people have lower body confidence than ever before – and that’s borne out by the rising numbers of youngsters with eating disorders and serious anxieties about their appearance.”

It’s certainly not a problem limited to girls. “Boys worry…

To read the rest of this article by Joanna Moorhead please click here…

All children need to feel of value and have self confidance to live happy effective lives.  Feeling and looking good is important at any age but particularly when you are young and finding your own special identity.

As adults who have had to go through this stage ourselves,  we should  do anything we can to help our children acheive real self esteem and to increase our childrens confidence in their own unique body image.

By Auriel Blanche – Creator of  “The Real Me Self Confidence  Programme for Children”

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Well don’t despair …help and understanding is at hand in an article from  The Huffington Post as documented by  Mary Pulido’s excellent observations about bullying among children…

Having just seen the powerful documentary “Bully” that depicts the horrific tragedies that befall innocent children by bullies teasing, humiliating and assaulting them, I felt compelled to ask “What about the parents of the bullies?” How do they get support? What can they do to recognize and stop the harmful acts that their child is perpetrating on innocent children?

Bullies come in every shape and size. They are from every ethnic group, race, socio-economic class, gender and religion. As a parent, you’ll probably be shocked to learn that your child is intentionally causing pain and humiliation to other children.

Research shows that children who resort to bullying often:

• Lack empathy and compassion for others’ feelings
• May be expressing anger about events in their lives
• Want to be in control
• Have low self esteem
• May be trying to impress their peers
• Come from families where parents or siblings bully
• Do not receive adequate parental attention or supervision
• Have parents that do not enforce discipline
• May be the victims of bullying and are trying to retaliate

The good news is that there IS a lot that a parent can do to help their child stop bullying. By taking immediate action; you can help your child learn new ways of handling their feelings, peer pressure and conflict with others.

Here are a few tips:

• Remain calm. You will probably have to deal with the school officials and the child’s parents; no one wants to speak to an angry adult….

 

The whole of the above article by Mary Pulido can be read by clicking on the following link about bullying.

So with this wealth of practical & supportive tips from  Mary for parents of bullies as a  way for them to  start moving ahead,  why not  help your child channel any so called negative energies  into taking positive action.  Suggest they take the initiative  to help rather than bully other kids.

Help your child start feeling great about themselves, feel empowered and satisfied by taking positive action. Isn’t this really what the so called bullies are looking for, to feel good about themselves and to improve their self esteem? I suggest that this could be a more positive  solution all round to protecting your child from bullying others and yet not making them “wrong”.

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An article discussing tips for developing healthy self esteem in your child (coordinated by Dr. Robert Brooks and The Campaign for Learning Disabilities) says “High self-esteem is associated with solid problem-solving skills. For example, if your child is having difficulty with a friend, you can ask her to think about a couple of ways of solving the situation. Don’t worry if your child can’t think of solutions immediately; you can help her reflect upon possible solutions. Also, try role-playing situations with your child to help demonstrate the steps involved in problem solving.”  http://life.familyeducation.com/self-esteem/parenting/36374.html#ixzz1fw3of8M7

It is so  important that we all feel of real value – good about ourselves.   If  a child gets used to facing and overcoming   small challenges, problems, and decisions,  this will help them develop confidence in their own ability to overcome the larger problems that  they may have to face in the future.  It is important that we help our children focus on their strengths and abilities, rather than their weaknesses. The best way to do this is to support  and guide them in making their own choices and so understand that  they are able to help themselves. Needless to say they must also be helped to understand  that making a so called inappropriate or “the wrong decision” and making mistakes is all part of learning,  not the end of the world,. It is ok to make mistakes and most people seen  as successful in society had to learn this way too..

Wayne Parker, author of Helping Your Children Make Good Decisions, states: “Taking the time to walk your children through the process of making a decision will help them learn the best way to decide. Remember, they will learn more from a little trial and error than they will if you make every decision for them. Having strong problem solving and decision making skills will help your children learn what they need to be strong decision makers in their adult life.”http://fatherhood.about.com/od/succeedingasafather/a/good_decisions.htm

The Centre for Effective Parenting states “Help your children develop good problem-solving skills. When children face a significant problem parents should take the opportunity to teach effective problem-solving strategies. They should start by helping their children clearly define the exact problem. Then parents should have their children generate a list of possible solutions (not evaluating them at this stage). Once a list of solutions is generated, parents should have their children go through each possibility and evaluate its potential for success. Once all the solutions have been evaluated parents should encourage their children to choose what appears to be the best solution. Parents should encourage and praise their children for the use of effective problem-solving strategies.” http://www.parenting-ed.org/handout3/Specific%20Concerns%20and%20Problems/kid%20stress.htm

Developing good problem solving and decision-making skills are essential for everyone to live happier  more successful lives and feel confident to fulfil their potential and above all to feel that they have a choice in life. And by successful, I mean whatever success means to that particular individual.  In the words of the famous and talented Michel Jordan who never gave up on his dream and tackled every obstacle in front of him while he reached success… “Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.” 

So help your child develop a really strong pride in their own value. Encourage, and support them in independent problem solving and decision making.   Guide them to learn to make  decisions that are right for them and will lead them to achieve their potential  and live the happy confident lives that they choose

Picture credit to Lori Greig of Flickr

© Auriel Blanche creator of the Magic Sunglasses Programme helping children develop real practical self confidence with immediate application to their everyday lives – www.themagicsunglasses.com

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The government have expressed their concerns with the lack of reading skills for today’s children. In 2007 the Guardian reported that “Children in England read less outside school and the performance of bright youngsters has dropped since 2001, according to an international research report published in 2007. Only 33% of children in England and Scotland read for pleasure, compared with the international average of 40%. There is a strong link between this and their achievement in Pirls tests.”http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/2007/nov/28/schools.uk1

The then Shadow Education Secretary Michael Gove said: “Despite the success of books like Harry Potter, there is still a worryingly large group of our young people who have absolutely no interest in reading. ….We have to ensure that youngsters can not only read and write but that schools and parents breathe enjoyment back into what otherwise can be a rigid programme of learning.”http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/2007/nov/28/schools.uk1

To reinforce the importance of reading, London Mayor Boris Johnson and Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg joined forces to issue a call to parents in London in June 2011 asking them to devote more time to reading with their children. They stressed the seriousness of the situation claiming that“ One in three children do not own a book and in parts of London one in three 11-year-olds cannot read properly.”http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/standard/article-23955896-parents-must-read-to-children-if-they-want-them-to-succeed.do

Boris Johnson in the same report said “Illiteracy severely limits life choices, closing doors on further education and career aspirations, and it also impacts on the capital’s economy, starving business of the skilled workforce it needs” http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/standard/article-23955896-parents-must-read-to-children-if-they-want-them-to-succeed.do

Most people can appreciate the positive aspects of TV, computers and social networking, but it is important to moderate this and set time aside for pleasure reading.   Television has many positives for children as they can help develop their imaginations and learn new things. Reading has the same stimulus effect without staring at a screen.   Previous studies have raised concerns that watching too much television can affect children’s behaviour in later life. In May 2010, a study of 1,300 children by Linda Pagani at the University of Montreal found that those who watched most TV as toddlers performed worse at school and consumed more junk food. http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2010/oct/11/children-computer-television-psychological-problems

Everything in moderation is fine as long as reading and social interaction is also provided. Reading provides education in language and literature, plus the confidence for social interaction, personal interaction and communication.  “UK children watch an average of more than two and a half hours of television a day and spend an hour and 50 minutes online a day, a poll suggests.” http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-12334962.   When a child gets home from school, has dinner and a bath, they only have a finite amount of time. Are our children only watching TV and going on the internet? “These figures suggest the 12 million under 16s in the UK watched 23 million hours of TV a day and 62% have a television in their own room.” http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-12334962.  This all adds to the concerns regarding social connection and engagement with people.

The internet is a major part of our lives now, and most young people connect via the internet – this allows global connection and can be a great source of information.  Computer games can be great for fun, good for reflexes  and relaxation, but a balance between these media types with book reading is paramount for educating our children. To benefit fully from the positives of the internet – such as information at their fingertips – children need to be able to read and comprehend. We must emphasise the importance of reading before buying computers and offering internet access and gaming to children. “A survey of 2,445 children aged five to 16 by Child Wise found almost two in three have their own computer (62%).”  http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-12334962 

Having access to television and computers is fine so long as children’s viewing is monitored. The main concern is the time they spend on it and what they are viewing. For the same survey: “.. nearly half have internet access in their own room (46%). The poll suggests two thirds (65%) of children go online most days and collectively children in the UK spent 13 million hours on websites every day.”http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-12334962  During this time the children are often alone, without social interaction and not necessarily learning.

Social networking sites such as Facebook and Bebo are a phenomenon and a great asset for businesses and individuals to connect with the masses. Do children really benefit from this? Or is it a popular culture issue? A survey of 2,445 children aged five to 16 by Child Wise found that “A third (36%) of seven to 10-year olds visited Facebook in the week before the survey was conducted. For 11 and 12-year-olds this rose to 71% of and to 85% for 13 to 16-year-olds.” http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-12334962 Children do need to interact and socialise with their peers, as communication and development are all connected with personal development, self acceptance and respect for others. Perhaps Facebook and other social websites can help with this. Some might argue that with Facebook reading is included. But surely a group or class activity/hobby including face to face communication, exercise and imagination is more appropriate – and more fun? A book club, or book workshop would be perfect, meeting socialization, education, imagination and creative elements and all the needs for a healthy, well educated child.

Looking at the effects of modern media on our children and their development it is clear there are some  arguments against the media (social websites, internet, TV etc). We can’t escape the fact that they are all in popular culture and children will seek to be involved in popular culture. Why don’t we also strive to bring back the joy of reading, and make sure that is one more avenue open to our children?  With the advent of iPads and iPods, Kindle and e-books, reading is keeping pace with modern technology and can be an equal – and prized – part of popular culture.

Auriel Blanche – Creator of the Magic Sunglasses Programme – www.themagicsunglasses.com

Pictures by Jae-Hoon Kim of Flickr

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Well do start with What does ‘a winner’ mean to you and your child – and to society?  Is it important that our children see themselves as winners? Should we encourage winning? Should we include them in competitions? Give them the chance to be winners?  Or should we teach our children that simply taking part is really what counts?

I think the most important thing is to realise that being a “winner” to an individual can be succeeding in whatever way means success and satisfaction to them.  They may not be top of the form or the team (at work) but they may be on their way to fulfilling their own potential and rightly pleased with that.  I know there is a great deal of competition these days, but not everyone wants the responsibility or hard work of being a  leader and first past the post, so the concept of being a winner is really down to the individual, although society will always take a view – but often unthinking.

So should we teach our children that there are other more healthy, less competitive ways to become a winner? Supporting them to find the correct view of “winning” for them and above all being proud of themselves for so doing? Winning could be helping others, giving to charity, overcoming a personal challenge, trying harder at school….  Is there really a need to push our children into dancing competitions, sporting competitions, etc. because we think they should, unless this is what they enjoy & works for them? Smaller scale victories can be just as rewarding. Surely satisfaction in whatever our children do is the most important thing and feeling proud of their achievements.   At a mundane level,  I remember we realised we needed to send my daughter to a more challenging school for her to do her best but we told her there was absolutely no way she had to stay there if she wasn’t happy.

Of course there are some children who thrive on competition and need it to reach even greater heights and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that per se.  Leaders and winners break barriers and set new levels of achievement to inspire others – look at the wonderful ethos of the Olympics – achieving excellence with determination, hard work and above all passion, going beyond what was thought possible.

“Encouraging our children to be a winner” can have great outcomes. Being successful improves confidence, self esteem and pride in themselves. This can then give them courage and enthusiasm to try new things, learning and also developing existing skills, and starting to enjoy the excitement of challenges.  It can give them a real purpose and energy in their lives, as long as they realise that failure is necessary for learning and you only fail if you give up.  Support them in looking for challenges at the right level for them personally.

A healthy competitive attitude can be seen as a good thing as it means the child has a belief in themselves and a motivation to be the best they can be.  Teaching a child to  realistically appreciate  and develop their range of abilities with the security of a good set of ground rules and values from home can make a big difference in providing their  best chance of success and satisfaction.

Children should be educated to know that winning as depicted on popular TV competitions is probably not very realistic as to how to judge a winner! It is very entertaining and shows how contestants have the courage to get out there and do their best – but how many of them stay what is accepted as being a winner after the current competition is finished?   Does having actually got into the competition somehow make them a winner? It is probably better that children look at other role models who have taken time and dedication to become winners rather than people who are famous for 15 minutes.

What makes children achieve “winner” status for themselves can be  many different things, not necessarily just competition.  But an act that makes them feel a winner – such as  success in helping others, overcoming a personal issue, trying something new and scary for them, achieving a personal triumph, applying initiative, doing something kind for someone else, overcoming fear finding solutions to problems – these are all valuable achievements.  Most important perhaps will be feeling good about themselves, and  valued by their parents and peer group

Do  parents encourage and support their child to feel a” winner” in whatever way is right for their children?

Auriel Blanche – Creator of the Magic Sunglasses Programme – helping kids develop real self confidence – www.themagicsunglasses.com

Picture by US Embassy Panama on Flickr

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Many parents, health professionals and society at large are increasingly concerned that  body image worries, eating disorders and low self esteem are increasingly occurring in young children. Eating disorders include a range of physical, psychological and behavioural features that often have an impact on social functioning and can invade most areas of a child’s life.  Instead of living happy, playful and healthy lives children are concerning themselves with anxiety and distress about their shape and size. It is estimated that an astounding 40% of nine year olds have already dieted and we are beginning to see four and five year olds expressing the need to diet. It is such an awful shame because these children are losing their childhood and a crucial stage of their life when they are growing and developing into individuals.

Children  have always wanted to dress up and copy famous people –look how even young kids still love to dress up in their mums clothes – boys modelled themselves on tough men/cowboys  like John Wayne – girls copied or wanted to look like models and actresses –such as  Marilyn Monroe, and later Madonna , Amy Winehouse, Lady Gaga,  etc – their hairstyles mannerisms, clothes . I think it is a normal part of growing up – fun, dreaming – learning from role models.  But now size zero models etc seem to be  shown as the ideal  stereotype on fashion magazines,  etc and  children seem to have taken too directly a totally unrealistic view of what normal girls should achieve.

These days  many role models  even for young kids  seem to be celebrities  who   appear to depend largely  on their looks and body shape our as part of staying successful and on top of their game – popular  shows like  x factor, strictly come dancing etc  would seem to reinforce this. Many Celebrities now seem to be  famous just  for being ‘celebrities’ rather than achieving anything  more tangible  – such as success in a particular area –eg great  films made, sports, etc.,

Is there perhaps a lack of balance  and  certainty  in life.these days  –is there a  lack of structure within which to operate where you know what you are meant to do and be – more families split up and so perhaps no satisfactory role model is available within the family group  – people moving away from what they know and can identify with – not many jobs and so nothing realistic to look forward to………………and this feeling moves down to the kids

It is necessary to develop a wider sense of who you are – a solid sense of who you are with your own  holistic identity – to include  more interests –It needs  schools, society and parents working together – explain to kids about challenges that celebs have – what you see is not always the reality – what is important in life – accepting and valuing who you are – whoever you are!  But do the values of our society support this aim?  Do we appear to give importance to more materialistic superficial values rather than focusing on reality – the inherent value of our family, friends and loved ones?

In 2009 award-winning UK TV presenter and fashion stylist Gok Wan launched a campaign to get body confidence classes into  the National Curriculum. With a huge achievement of 50,000 signatures his proposal has not yet still been implemented. But Gok hasn’t given up and is re-launching his campaign, planning to lobby MPs outside of Parliament to get body confidence taught on the national curriculum as part of the PSHE in all the schools.

He explained:  “I think the problem lies in so many different areas. It’s so hard to pinpoint because if we could just find one area, we could probably do something about it. But I think it’s a combination of the media – we need to be more positive about it, I think it’s about education of families as well, education of schools as well. I think it’s in every single direction. Body dysmorphia has been carried down over the years and now it’s been passed to the next generation and we need to do something about it.” http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/tv/interviews/a318397/gok-wan-goks-teens-the-naked-truth.html

Although eating and weight disorders are common in children there is a scarcity of practical guidance on treatment methods for eating disorders for young people. There are some books available for parents and adults with regards to recognizing and helping a child who has an eating disorder, but not much guidance available for children themselves. There is certainly a lack of material available for children to prevent the body image concerns inflicted upon them by the media, magazines, celebrity gossip and constant diet tips in the papers and in society.

The key here, as so often, is self esteem/self confidence  and  feeling really good about yourself – having  a solid feeling of identity; of who you really are – not just the outside and the odd thing you may be good at but  the whole person: the Real You.  It is no good being told this unless you know how to achieve it – guidance and teaching this should be a basic part of kids’ education at home and also at school.  Some parents don’t feel good themselves and can also benefit from realizing what a valuable person  they really are, and that it is ok  to acknowledge this.

Also involved is knowledge of healthy eating and how to stay fit and a healthy weight without spending a fortune and taking too much time – time which many people feel unable to spare.  Additionally, many mothers may struggle to provide healthy food – convenience foods save time but are not always the healthiest and often contain high levels of fat and salt.  Jamie Oliver and others try to educate and help here with healthy eating campaigns.

It is clearly beneficial to offer books for parents to be able to recognize the symptoms of eating disorders as many children don’t recognize, acknowledge or accept that they have themselves have a problem.  Recognition of eating disorders as a real and treatable disease is critically important.  The consequences of eating disorders can be severe.  For example, one in ten cases of anorexia nervosa leads to death from starvation, cardiac arrest, kidney failure, other medical complications, sometimes even suicide.  Without treatment, up to 20% of people with serious eating disorders may die prematurely. However, early identification and treatment leads to more favourable outcomes.  With treatment, the mortality rate falls to two to three percent. For this reason we need to make sure that we let children know that there is help available and make them recognize their problems.

More important than this though, is the need for effective preventive tools. Teaching with practical systems   which teach  children to value themselves as they are.  Awareness in parents to support children in growing up to love and accept their bodies, they must be raised to love and accept themselves. We need to teach children it is what’s on the inside of them that counts, not what’s on the outside. These pre-conceived images of beauty, the desire to be as thin as certain celebrity icons and the need to be on the next hyped diet phase, all need to be contradicted and reinforced with practical corrective messages.  To be an effective preventive tool for children it would need to be in the language or process that children can understand.and is empowering and can be fun.   It must also be creative and appealing in order to be engaging and influential. One of the best mediums for this message would be a story  book, so the child can sit and read it independently and at a convenient time for them.  Literature and books often serve as a catalyst for conversations between children with friends and children with adults. This is a perfect conversational means for approaching subjects like healthy eating and body image, and more acceptable than parents giving them the same message direct

There is certainly a niche in the market for books for children that tackle the issues of eating disorders and body issues in children. An enjoyable fun fantasy book, with characters a child could relate to, with vivid images and creative illustrations would be perfect.  The media sadly seem to  send out confusing and misleading messages sometimes There just isn’t enough material for children to read to prevent these misleading messages.  Children are constantly exposed to the message that we should all be thin and not with the message that they need to accept people for who they are and not what they look like

We need a variety of practical measures to support children in their everyday lives,  in learning to be content with who they are but also looking to make the most of their individual skills and  be healthy and active    We need children to be proud of who they are and respect others for who they  are- inside and not judge them solely on how they look  We need to help children to love and accept themselves  no matter what who they are .

If parents, teachers, society and above all our government all work together to support our children learning in a truly positive holistic way – can we fail to create a generation of empowered children who accept their inherent value in themselves, feel a true sense of their own identity and so  provide an empowered  generation totally involved in making the most of what our country and the world has to offer?

Photo by Helga Weber of Flickr

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What is your child’s passion? What inspires them? Find out what they love to do, what they are good at, something that is close to their heart. Then help them build on this inspiration, this passion of theirs to feel good about themselves to develop their confidence and overcome challenges such as shyness. If you are fully involved in doing something you love, you are more likely to be focussing on this rather than bothering about being shy or other negative things.

Enthusiasm creates a positive attitude. Dr. Norman Vincent Peale (author of The Power of Positive Thinking and a progenitor of the theory of “positive thinking”) said: “Life’s blows cannot break a person whose spirit is warmed at the fire of enthusiasm.” http://www.1-famous-quotes.com/quote/284592

Cheri Fuller – award winning author of Raising Motivated Kids, believes in inspiring enthusiasm for a great start in life. She believes in not pushing children but motivating their natural enthusiasm which then results in a personal desire to want to accomplish things. www.cherifuller.com

Dr Judy Willis is an authority on brain research regarding learning and the brain. With a unique background as both a neurologist and classroom teacher, she writes extensively for professional educational and parenting journals and has written six books about applying the mind, brain, and education research to classroom teaching and parenting strategies. The Association of Educational Publishers honoured Dr. Willis as a finalist for the Distinguished Achievement Award for her educational writing. In How your child learns best? In the section entitled ‘Keep Alive Your Child’s Natural Enthusiasm To Learn’ Dr Willis says “After writing four books for teachers, I realized parents need their own access to valuable techniques and activities to enrich their children’s classroom experiences, keep alive their natural curiosity, and cultivate their enthusiasm for life-long learning.”  http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/radical-teaching/200904/dr-judy-willis-rad-teaching-connections-neuroscience-research-the-class

It would seem that enthusiasm is an untapped but extremely valuable resource, often irresistible in its power to attract others to people and projects, a wonderful natural power that is free. Do we not owe it to our children and young people to help them find and develop the natural enthusiasm within themselves and use it to follow their passions – as a power to recognise value in themselves and to develop the lives they choose.

Auriel Blanche – Creator of the Magic Sunglasses Programme Helping Kids Develop Real Self Confidence.

Photo by Alex.T. of Flickr

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Should we accept children the way they are, regardless of their weaknesses, temperament and behaviours and love them unconditionally? Children, like adults need to feel secure and accepted especially when they are young. But is this detrimental for developing discipline, a balanced and supportive environment and teaching them to respect and consider others?

Jo Frost is a British nanny and author of three books on childcare.  She was the central figure of the reality television program Supernanny. Jo says:

“To love your children enough is to know that as a mother you need to find that strength to change how you behave towards your children. They came into this world unconditionally and what they should be receiving from you is unconditional love back.” http://jofrost.com/jos-editorial/angy-mum?page=26

Alfie Kohn is author of the books “Unconditional Parenting” and “Punished by Rewards,” He explores parental love and whether it should be conditional or unconditional. He writes: “More than 50 years ago, the psychologist Carl Rogers suggested that simply loving our children wasn’t enough. We have to love them unconditionally, he said — for who they are, not for what they do. As a father, I know this is a tall order, but it becomes even more challenging now that so much of the advice we are given amounts to exactly the opposite. In effect, we’re given tips in conditional parenting, which comes in two flavors: turn up the affection when they’re good, withhold affection when they’re not.”http://www.alfiekohn.org/up/index.html

As a mother myself I think that firm but appropriate discipline and teaching especially respect for self and others, and providing a  secure framework in which children can  develop, is all part of the loving support and  love you should give your child.  Good ground rules provide the solid base for their success in life and interacting harmoniously with others.

I don’t agree that unconditional love includes letting them get away with behaving like brats or taking actions which threaten their safety and others  –also  that is not fair to them- you need to teach them the basic rules to make life easier for themselves when they do get out there on their own. It can be tough as we all know.

I was a fairly strict mum I suppose,  but fair I hope: I always let my daughter have space to put her point or challenge me. Anyway she seems to have survived fairly  successfully and happily.

Several things stick in my memory, however   One as follows: when my daughter was around 7 yrs old , she started having problems getting on with her peers.  As an only child,  she was pretty outgoing but very well behaved and grown up for her age but I could see this was creating a problem. Having been a shy introvert child myself, I wanted to do something to help so I decided to ease off a bit with the discipline and hey presto in a few months – she was back on track with her pals.  So sometimes we all know you need to play it by ear  and there is no guarantee of success whatever you do –and after all parents do their best  but they are only human too. And of course as you want to make your kids happy and love you,  its

very tempting to ‘let things go’; sometimes  when perhaps you should say something to them they may not like. Past Government action hasn’t  helped here either, appearing to undermine parents actions.  I still think however that appropriate  discipline and a secure framework are essential for children growing up and not at variance with giving them your unconditional love!

Auriel Blanche – Creator of the Magic Sunglasses Programme developing Real Self Confidence for  Kids

Photo by .Dianna. of Flickr

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